Remember This.
I like to make mental notes when I'm struggling. I know what it is to struggle, and what it is to be alone. And that I'm not the only lonely person.
A few years ago I went through a bit of a rebuilding time. I wasn't totally alone, but there were times it felt like I was. I kept reminding myself to remember what it feels like, because there are plenty of people who feel alone. Everybody needs love, and most people don't get enough.
Recently I've been "playing" with the whole alone/not alone thing. On the obvious side I got married/started living with someone. Turns out, that isn't too far removed from becoming a parent (don't hit me, I know it is different, but listen to my rationale). It wasn't until this week that I recognized the difference between being married, and being married to someone who is out of town. I've enjoyed sharing life, but wow, I've totally been sharing. On my own this weekend, I've found a lot of time and opportunity. I miss Windtalker, don't misunderstand. I miss him a lot. But I've noticed over the last several months that grocery shopping by yourself is almost always 3 times quicker than grocery shopping with someone. I knew that. I'd forgotten. And that's what this is all about.
On the flip-side (the "alone" side), even when Windtalker is here, I'm in a new town, and now a new job. It's a town, not on Walden Pond or anything, and I don't work in a box by myself. But I'm back at the beginning. I don't have friends to call when I'm bored or lonely or my car breaks down or I have a rough day. I have Windtalker. I have acquaintances. I'm working in a place where people know each other pretty well, and I'm starting from scratch. That last one has really hit home this week.
As much as I shy away from praise, I definitely got used to working in a place where practically everybody respected my skill. I spent over five years proving myself, overshooting expectations, and figuring out how to be part of something. I can look way back and remember I didn't come into that job knowing what to do or how to do it. It grew and kept growing. So by the time I left, especially as they knew for a year before I left that I was going to leave, I'd grown used to hearing my praises all the time. It would be impossible to replace me, they'll be lost without me, I make magic happen. And to be fair, I knew I'd developed some mad skills, and that I really was pretty good at what I did. But also fair - I developed all that. So now I'm in a new job. I've been here for two months. And I make mistakes every day. Sometimes they're small, like "oh, I pushed the wrong button" and sometimes they're less-small like, "uh oh, I should have started planning this event two months ago." And it seems like those things come from every direction, not just work. We finally got our own washer/dryer, and it turns out the delivery dudes mis-connected the hot and cold water. It seemed strange that after a cold-cold wash, clothes came out remarkably warm. But I checked the hoses, they were right. More than one someone suggested that might be the cause and I explained that I had already checked that. And then I decided to to re-check last weekend. And it turns out, I was wrong. And the dudes were wrong. We easy-peasy swapped the hoses and all was fixed. And that is far from the only time in recent history that I loudly said/did something and then ended up completely [visibly] wrong.
So this week, in particular, I've been pretty alone. Windtalker is in another state. I am still a new person in a new job in a new town. I have great coworkers, I've met nice people, and I'm pretty sure they don't all think I'm a flaming imbecile. But I've felt the weight of not having a chorus of praise, and instead having a chorus of "Ehh, here's how you're supposed to do it" By the end of the week I'd recognized that, and I knew it wasn't a big deal. But it also felt pretty heavy, all stacked up, by the end of the week. And it also reminded me that there are people everywhere who are alone in some way. They may be new to town, or to a job. They may be newly-single. They may be temporarily solo. But I appreciate the reminder to be kind, no exceptions. With a special exception to be extra-kind to the solo.
I like to make mental notes when I'm struggling. I know what it is to struggle, and what it is to be alone. And that I'm not the only lonely person.
A few years ago I went through a bit of a rebuilding time. I wasn't totally alone, but there were times it felt like I was. I kept reminding myself to remember what it feels like, because there are plenty of people who feel alone. Everybody needs love, and most people don't get enough.
Recently I've been "playing" with the whole alone/not alone thing. On the obvious side I got married/started living with someone. Turns out, that isn't too far removed from becoming a parent (don't hit me, I know it is different, but listen to my rationale). It wasn't until this week that I recognized the difference between being married, and being married to someone who is out of town. I've enjoyed sharing life, but wow, I've totally been sharing. On my own this weekend, I've found a lot of time and opportunity. I miss Windtalker, don't misunderstand. I miss him a lot. But I've noticed over the last several months that grocery shopping by yourself is almost always 3 times quicker than grocery shopping with someone. I knew that. I'd forgotten. And that's what this is all about.
On the flip-side (the "alone" side), even when Windtalker is here, I'm in a new town, and now a new job. It's a town, not on Walden Pond or anything, and I don't work in a box by myself. But I'm back at the beginning. I don't have friends to call when I'm bored or lonely or my car breaks down or I have a rough day. I have Windtalker. I have acquaintances. I'm working in a place where people know each other pretty well, and I'm starting from scratch. That last one has really hit home this week.
As much as I shy away from praise, I definitely got used to working in a place where practically everybody respected my skill. I spent over five years proving myself, overshooting expectations, and figuring out how to be part of something. I can look way back and remember I didn't come into that job knowing what to do or how to do it. It grew and kept growing. So by the time I left, especially as they knew for a year before I left that I was going to leave, I'd grown used to hearing my praises all the time. It would be impossible to replace me, they'll be lost without me, I make magic happen. And to be fair, I knew I'd developed some mad skills, and that I really was pretty good at what I did. But also fair - I developed all that. So now I'm in a new job. I've been here for two months. And I make mistakes every day. Sometimes they're small, like "oh, I pushed the wrong button" and sometimes they're less-small like, "uh oh, I should have started planning this event two months ago." And it seems like those things come from every direction, not just work. We finally got our own washer/dryer, and it turns out the delivery dudes mis-connected the hot and cold water. It seemed strange that after a cold-cold wash, clothes came out remarkably warm. But I checked the hoses, they were right. More than one someone suggested that might be the cause and I explained that I had already checked that. And then I decided to to re-check last weekend. And it turns out, I was wrong. And the dudes were wrong. We easy-peasy swapped the hoses and all was fixed. And that is far from the only time in recent history that I loudly said/did something and then ended up completely [visibly] wrong.
So this week, in particular, I've been pretty alone. Windtalker is in another state. I am still a new person in a new job in a new town. I have great coworkers, I've met nice people, and I'm pretty sure they don't all think I'm a flaming imbecile. But I've felt the weight of not having a chorus of praise, and instead having a chorus of "Ehh, here's how you're supposed to do it" By the end of the week I'd recognized that, and I knew it wasn't a big deal. But it also felt pretty heavy, all stacked up, by the end of the week. And it also reminded me that there are people everywhere who are alone in some way. They may be new to town, or to a job. They may be newly-single. They may be temporarily solo. But I appreciate the reminder to be kind, no exceptions. With a special exception to be extra-kind to the solo.
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